Grandpa Urban

My biggest role model is not an actor or an actress. My biggest role model is not a musician or in a band. My biggest role model is not a celebrity. My biggest role model is not famous.


For the past 20 years, I had been lucky enough to get to know and spend time with my Grandpa Urban until he died on June 6 of this year after battling several strokes, seizures, and cancer. My grandpa’s many accomplishments and his genuine and strong character are the reasons why he was, is, and always will be my biggest role model.


My Grandpa Urban was born in Celina, Ohio on September 17, 1931. When he was a teenager, he lost all of the fingers on his right hand in a farming accident, and he quickly had to learn to adjust with having just one hand. Despite this challenge, he never let having one hand get in the way of anything, and he strived to be just as dedicated and hard-working as a person with two hands.


When my grandpa was 12 days shy of turning 22, he married my grandma Mary and they had 5 children together, with one of those kids being my dad. My grandpa and grandma were about to share their 60th wedding anniversary when he died, and I know if I would have asked him, he would have told me that marrying my grandma was his greatest accomplishment.


My grandpa was the most generous and dedicated person I know. He was a member of Holy Redeemer Parish in New Bremen, where he worked as a parish council member and a lector for numerous years. Before every meal he ate, he would say a prayer, and he went to church twice a week, if not more. I always found it so amazing that he had so much faith and he was persistent in attempting to help me and my fourteen cousins find our faith as well.


In addition to being an active member of his church until he died, he was also the mayor of New Bremen for eleven years, from 1984 to 1995. Before he became mayor, he was on the New Bremen Village Council for years. After he served New Bremen as the mayor for eleven years, he became the Director of Economical Development, and contributed in forming the New Bremen Industrial Park. He was also a charter member of the New Bremen/New Knoxville Rotary Club and a Chairman of the High School Career Day, where high school juniors met with professionals in their desired career choice to job shadow them for a day. Somehow, my grandpa had time to do all of these activities while he worked at STAMCO in New Bremen as an engineer, where he worked for more than 40 years. With the little spare time he did have, he enjoyed going to the casino to play video poker, bowling in a league with my dad and my uncle, and fishing with my other uncle. My grandpa would take fishing trips to Canada every year with my two uncles and some of his friends.


Not only was my grandpa a very hard-working man, he was also the smartest and most genuine person I have ever had the privilege of knowing. He taught me that no matter what obstacles you face, you can do anything you set your mind to. He also told me to never give up on my dreams because I can make them happen. This is why my Grandpa Urban will always be my biggest role model. I can also confidently say that I have a guardian angel watching over me in Heaven, and I can only hope that I have made him proud, and continue to make him proud as I enter my future and make all of my dreams come true.



On July 5th, 2007, my world got dark – everything was blurred and I was in pain. Her kind heart and soul traveled up to the gates of Heaven, she became my guardian angel. A week before, we went to her house late in the afternoon and saw her blinds had not been open, like they always were. We knew something was wrong. My grandma told me to stay in the car while she went to go check on her. The doors were locked, and of course we forgot the spare key. A day we thought we would spend laughing and traveling back in time turned into a day spent crying at the hospital. She had a stroke, and the doctors gave her four more days to live. Being the strong person that she was though, she lasted a week. At the end of her time, she called to her husband in Heaven, and we knew it was safer if she were with him up there. I will never forget that day, it’s etched into my memory so deep and I think about it often. I love you Gammy. You were my inspiration, but I know you are in a better place. I know you are looking down on me and smiling because I am living my dreams like you always told me to. ❤

Expect the Unexpected

Sometimes, you’re going to find someone that makes you realize how important life is. Sometimes you’ll find it in yourself. I found it in my best friend. I fell in love with him in a few short months, but I kept it to myself for a while because I didn’t know if love was supposed to feel this way. I had learned about this thing everyone claimed was love from my family. I have never seen anybody love anyone as much as I love him. Maybe they used to, but what I’ve learned is you can’t take that for granted. Love is one thing that will always be around. When other things in your life don’t work out, it’s love that will. People change, and feelings change, but sometimes they don’t. And even if they do, it doesn’t mean they go away, sometimes they just get stronger, or change direction. I’m 21 years old, yet I know exactly how not to be as person and as a significant other. For the longest time I thought I would end up like my mom, married and divorced twice, but I don’t have to be like that. Every kiss, every hug, every touch, it’s worth everything. We may fight and we don’t have the perfect relationship, but I love him. I know what that means now. Every time he stays the night with me, he will just lay there and watch me sleep for awhile, or at least pretend to sleep, and then he’ll kiss me on the forehead. It’s in those moments that I’m most happy, because the smallest things mean the most. Every song; every love story; every happy ending makes me think of him. He’s in everything I do and everything I am. It’s beautiful, and I don’t see love for it’s beauty very often. I take it for granted a lot, and I’m hoping I’m still deserving of the love I think I should have. He’s not perfect but he’s perfect for me, and that is what really matters. 

You could crush me, please don’t crush me.

Cause baby I’m a dreamer for sure.

And I won’t let you down. I swear this time I mean it. ❤

Tyler Ward

In our lives, we all have people that inspire us, change us for the better, make us see our life in a new light. Two years ago, my best friend sent me a video of a guy named Tyler Ward, a youtube artist. Needless to say, when I listened to it, I was absolutely blown away. This amazing man: he is so beautiful, his voice, everything about him. I can’t even begin to describe it. I was instantly hooked to his covers and originals, and I knew that this artist would be very hard to forget. Last year, I tried and failed to get tickets to his show, and I was absolutely crushed. Many people in my life do not know who this man is, and I sincerely believe that these people are missing out on the next big thing. I don’t think anybody really understands how much of an inspiration Tyler Ward is to me. He helped me through his music with things that I didn’t think I could ever get through, including a horrible breakup. His voice just really inspired me and I realized that I was strong enough to get through some of the most horrible things if I just kept doing the things I loved and following my dreams.

It’s Not Goodbye. It’s See You Soon.

Well, soon I won’t be able to call you family. Not technically. But you’ll always be family. You’ll always be the ones that were my rock when life wasn’t my biggest fan. The people that believed in me even when it wasn’t expected of you. I’ve learned so much from you guys, and I grew up with you. From the time I was 9 till now, you were family. That’s all being taken away from me now. And I know I’ll still speak with you, but it’ll be different. I’m worried the hello’s won’t be as welcoming, although I bet they’ll be even more so. I’m worried we’ll lose touch because we won’t see each other every holiday and every small family get-together. And when I look back, all those amazing memories, or at least most, will be in the past. It breaks my heart, and knowing that she is playing the blame game on him doesn’t make it any easier. My life is being completely turned around-in the worst possible way. I hope I still can come to you when my life gets rough, and I hope that the advice will keep coming, because as far as I’m concerned, you’re still family. You’re still that rock, and you’re still the good memories, and you’re still the support through the good, bad, and ugly. I appreciate you, and I love you.

& That’s Who I Am

Here are a few facts about me:

1. I am highly driven, insanely passionate, and extremely dedicated.

2. Music is my number one passion. It has helped me through every good and bad situation, big or small; it is more so my survival than anything.

3. I sometimes think that I was born in the wrong generation. I am intrigued by different eras and I sincerely believe that everybody my age conforms and nobody stays true to themselves.

4. I love to write.

5. Tumblr is my favorite website on the World Wide Web.

6. Winter is my favorite season.

7. Writings For Winter is an amazing blog: check it out!

8. I’m a huge hopeless romantic. It’s a tad bit annoying to others around me.

9. I am told I’m always smiling, even when I’m mad. I guess I’m just different like that.

10. I think way too much. I probably should have went to school for philosophy.

You Gave Love A Meaning

Love. If you would have asked me 1164 days ago what that four-letter word meant, I would have laughed and said it did not exist. But when I met him, he taught me that it did. He taught me that no matter what hardships you face, if it’s true love, you’ll make it through. He also taught me that you’ve gotta fight for what you love, or in this case, who you love. I have learned throughout the past three years that love isn’t easy. It’s actually probably the hardest thing ever. You put all of your faith in that one person, and in the end, it’s actually a pretty big risk. You never know when they could decide to give up and walk out of your life with absolutely no warning at all. That’s what I was used to. I was used to being hurt, being burned, being left. This is why I closed myself off from anybody and everybody, never letting myself get too close, for the fear of getting left again. But when you meet someone who exceeds all of your expectations, you want to let that person in, and you do, but you’re fearful to do so. You want to start living for this person as soon as possible because life without them would be unimaginable. You want to tell them every chance you get that you are absolutely in love with them and you wouldn’t have it any other way. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have fears, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have insecurities, you just have to let yourself be vulnerable.

That day, July 29, 2010, I met him. I saw him walking through the door, and I knew my life would be different from that moment on. His smile made my heart melt, and I wanted to get to know him. It took awhile, but eventually something amazing happened. He asked me to be his, and shortly after, I fell in love. Real, true, first, amazing love. I’m not saying that it was always easy, because it wasn’t, and I’m not saying that it will always be easy, but when I say that there’s nobody else I would rather be in love with, I mean it. That’s my vulnerable side. He stuck around all this time, during my grumpy moments, my sad moments, my angry moments, and most importantly my happy moments.

Music-driven (:

Music has positively changed me for as long as I can remember. There is not a moment of my spare time that I am not listening to music of all genres. I have always desired to have a career in music, to produce and promote my favorite bands and artists, as well as new bands and artists that I believe in. Music is in my soul, in my bones. It’s what I know. Some of my favorite TV shows such as One Tree Hill and Parenthood have strong musical connections. One of the main characters in One Tree Hill, Peyton, played by Hilarie Burton, began her own record label after she graduated high school. Her character had a deep appreciation for music and never gave up on it. One of the main characters in Parenthood, Crosby, played by Dax Shepard is a music producer. Music is the best thing to ever happen to me. I can connect with it in ways that people dream about. When my friends need new music, they come to me and ask me what they should listen to. Music is my life, so it only makes sense that I should have a career in the music industry. My favorite TV shows have shown me that anything is possible as long as I believe in myself and believe in what I want to do, and I believe that I can accomplish my dream career of working in the music business and changing other peoples’ lives the way the music industry has changed mine. Every time I am watching a new TV show, I pay attention to the music in the first episode. Usually, a show with a good music list is a show that I will follow through with and watch until the end. If I do not enjoy the music in the TV show in the first episode, I usually do not enjoy the TV show. I believe that if the music in a TV show does not speak to me the way it does through my headphones or speakers, the TV show will not “speak” to me either. Everybody has their “thing” that makes them who they are and that they have a strong passion for. My number one passion has been and always will be music. I have been writing lyrics for years now and every now and then I try to record covers to find myself as an artist, finding what genres I am best at and how I could turn a long-time hobby into a possible career. I love having the possibility of getting my lyrics out there for others to see so I can change their lives like other artists have changed mine. For all of these reasons, I believe I am meant to have a career in the music business. I believe I was born to change peoples’ lives. I believe that my purpose in this life is to change the way people view music, and have them see it as something so powerful and amazing, as it should be seen.

Looking to the future…

I’m 21, which is an age that most people consider very young and naive, even though it is the beginning of true, physical adulthood. I’m 21, and I know who I want to be standing next to when I’m 80 years old, who I want to spend every morning waking up next to, who I want to experience all of my craziest and wildest dreams with. This is the scariest and the single most amazing feeling in the world. Scary because thinking about the future terrifies me. I grew up from a broken home, an unorthodox fairy tale. I think about how the relationships around me shattered and it terrifies me, but it also makes me confident. I’m confident in saying that I will not make the same mistakes, regrets, and errors in judgement after I say “I Do.” This is also the most liberating feeling as well because when this happens, I will spend the rest of my life with my best friend and the one that completes me. And that’s how it should be. I look into his eyes and I see hope, life, love, and suddenly butterflies flutter hopelessly about in my stomach. And in this moment, the shocking realization hits me: this is how love should be, it’s what people spend their whole lives’ waiting for and dreaming about, and I have found it. In him.

Risky Love Business

There are some risks that you must will yourself to take. Love is the greatest of those risks. You hear all about how love is phenomenal or terrifying and it’s both of those things. You could be at your highest point, and the next second you could be wishing to rip your bleeding heart from your corpse and bury it and all the secrets attached to it, but that’s love. It’s painfully beautiful; beautifully painful. It’s the part of life that is inevitable, and you’re going to experience heartbreak that is going to leave you feeling like survival is not a choice, but you’ll cry and cry and cry, then you’ll struggle off the ground, smile and move the hell on. For some it takes days, others weeks or months, and the most sensitive may take years. You won’t forget or even let completely let go, but you will find a love greater. The people that don’t agree with this are not letting themselves love greater.